Pilgrims in Zurich

...

What each dot represents here is..

1. a dot for home, the little red dot.

2. a dot for little white snowflake that is gone; and will never come again.

3. and the final dot, for the black dot that just signifies the end



Today, Davina Dear pointed out the star above the crescent moon,

above the horizon, above the ground.

And, just being under the stars make you wonder.

If ever anyone has an "emo" side, it sure is now.

Its been so long since I last really felt sad; even leaving to Zurich did not feel so sad at all.

Being here, though not necessarily a dream come true (so far), does not make me sad.

I'm not homesick at all.



Is this a sign of growing up? Or is this a sign that I have lost that integral part of me which chooses not to rationalize everything.

I never realized growing up to be so hard, but now that i'm grown up.

I never realized the mid-life crisis to hit so hard; and so early.

Am i Old?



One fact points away from the answer to that question being yes; the simple fact that i'm blogging here. And a mature person can definitely handle his own emotions and keep his personal thoughts to himself.

But is mature where I want to go, where i want to be?



I see Yean Ching missing her friends, I see people just having such excitement seeing Europe.

I've been there, I've done that. I miss my friends too. Whats new?

It all just seems to old.... Whats new is not going on a holiday. Whats new is like working, building a family; and truly this just points in the opposite direction. I am Old.

So whats happening really?



I used to feel this way. When everyone went clubbing, when everyone just were thrill seekers.

But here, everybody still is.

What so special about a foreign land?



I might look young, but truly; this is one experience that i've been through.

Having the eternal in mind, seeing all the passing experiences others have.

I really don't know whether to sigh at myself, or at others.

Am i losing out, or are they losing out?

Or frankly, probably neither of us are losing out; but....

well, the question is... What is happening?



To see heaven and not touch it.

Or to not see heaven, but touch it.

ISN't that what happiness and joy is?



To me, we are all hypocrites; partly stemming from the fact that we're sinners and no one is perfect. Even those that don't recognize it are hypocrites themselves. It just doesn't stop there.

These days, I can examine myself, and nothing i ever say or do is completely or totally right.

Or even right in any sense of the word. There's always an element of wrong to it.

But in wrong, we christians, know we can see right.



And its the heart to change that matters.



Heaven is the best place on earth.

Whats depressing about eternity is that, in the midst of going there; something was eventually lost.

But then again, does it matter?



IT does. But we cannot lose ourselves in the process of making it as right and as perfect as we possibly can/want it to be.