Pilgrims in Zurich

Life really has its full plethora of experiences.
But the wonderful thing is, God places the right people at the right time in the right place for us.

Coming to Zurich has been easy, but staying here has been hard.

Everyday now, i wished that things were different,
That i could do things differently; or just that some little part of the situation was different.

I admit it, I am emotional now.
But it makes a difference in my life, it helps me to reflect and rediscover myself whilst i'm here.
Everyday has not been a regret, but it has been a thought on the back of my mind.

I still remember the times in primary school where studying was such a breeze
Where the teachers liked me so much, and i was as proud as can be.
Then in primary 4, everything became harder.
New environments, new people... things were never the same.
I met one of my best friends ever, David, i guess.. But a struggle it was; nonetheless.

In secondary school, for the first 2 years of my high school experience; things were definitely rocky.
I, for one, learnt to be quiet.
I was surrounded by people who were better than me in so many ways.
I could learn, and had nothing to give.
In the later secondary school years, i met other people; broadened by perspectives.
And more importantly, i finall learnt enough to face my world; to open my wings a little bit.

In Sec 4, it came all crashing back down to earth.
I learnt humility, i learnt being helpless...
I learnt what it was to treasure the little most simplistic things i had.

In JC, it seemed like fun began.
But in the midst of tribulation, i found God and Jesus, and even the Holy Spirit.
I grew many times; in terms of spiritual maturity.
And even satisfaction with who i was, and who i could be.

In Army, it all came together, and i realized what God had equipped me for.
That i was already a difference; in more ways than one, and thats what God wanted me to be.

In NUS... i had to fight for myself, i had to face the harsh realities of the meritocratic world out there. But i relished the fight, and i never gave in.

But now in Zurich, it feels a bit different here.

It feels like time stands still, and nothing ever shows up.

It feels as though, the people are colder than the winters.

It feels like at times, we're all alone; just because we're together.

It feels now, that i made the wrong choices, and i went where God did not want me to go.

And now it feels like i'm suffering the consequences of it.

Do i feel betrayed, yes definitely.
Do i feel lost, yes, that too.
Do i feel misunderstood; completely.
Do i feel wrong, that too.
Do i feel like something was missing from the start....?

Each step i think of what i have done, and i admit i did it wrongly.
I chose the wrong thing, and i'm guilty of my own folly.
Even now, the spiral goes out of control and there's nothing i can really do about it.

But the wonderful thing is, God made it this way.
That i should learn, that all through my life, it has always been the same thing.
I was never one to rub shoulders with the best, or even the most recognized people.
My calling lay, fighting with those who never seemed to win, and never seemed to be loved.

This is my discovery thus far.
That i was born, and borne to do something different.
I was born a revolutionary, not for the people; but for the real people.

I am a real person, but a pity many around me are not.
I am true inside out, true to my beliefs and true to my love.
I am not judgemental, but yet i see.
God made me this way, and he has placed people that love me all around me;
even in the midst of these feelings that i'm unloved and unappreciated.
That he encourages me with the most unexpected of words;
when the most unexpected of setbacks befall me.

God brought my friends when i truly needed them,
he brought me my love when i was ready.
Now, he brought me little blessings that even i could bless,
when i needed it; and when it also needed me.
God brought me the people i cherish so much in my heart.

For I appreciate Him, and I appreciate them.

To Uncle Chung Chi, Auntie Pooh Lii for helping me settle in and for their kind hospitality, to Uncle Frips and Auntie May for keeping me on my toes, for even Tamisa for helping me see true happinness and sadness when it was due, for my dear, definitely for always being there. For bella, for Madis, for Agnes, Laura for being my friends in class. For Lars, Deborah, Susan, Torsten, Mark, Anna, Alessia and Todd and Philip for the amazing advice, not just through what was said, but what was shown. And also Chen Lu for fair forgiveness and graciousness. Finally, to God's Church, IPC; for it is truly a people of power.

These people set themselves apart; they gave more than they were given.
They loved more than they received.
They helped me when i needed it.

I realized that, that in them; God placed something special.
And its something that i must re-learn, because in a way; i lost it somehow.

"To love more than to be loved"
Is the most unseen thing which has the greatest impression on me.
And the greatest pity i've experienced in my time here.
Just because...
It is a lost culture in so many of us.
A missing value in our upbringing.
And so few of us find it.